AMY B MARTIN HEALING

The Soul Heals~Love Heals

Light Carries On Even After Death

I don't think I've ever read anything as beautiful as your shared story! It is truly inspiring and reveals how much you loved having your final conversation with your Dad. It is absolutely beautiful!!!

You have touched me deep within my Soul with what you have experienced in coming together with your Dad in his end days. You are Blessed my dear and everyone who reads your story will be Blessed as well. You are a beautiful writer sweet Amy Beth.

Amy B Martin there are no words to express here, only the heart can expand through the gift you just gave to humanity. You are light, you are truth, you are ether, you the star to illuminate our hearts. Thank you eternally for the way you shared your story Amy

When my father passed in January of 2021, he had been a quadriplegic and bed ridden living in a nursing home for the final 13 years of his life because of a failed back surgery at 67 years old. As much as the very small humble human part of me had thought and felt through all of the heartache and sadness witnessing him declining more and more over the years, thinking I had been preparing myself for this time for many many years, and that "I was going to be ok with it." I realized very quickly the very human side of us can never fully prepare ourselves for this Sacred passage, and it is never~ever easy to say goodbye to a loved one who's Soul is getting ready to leave their Earthly human form. Even though in my head, and my heart, I could feel he had no quality of life and his Soul was so ready to be set free... AND I knew once his Spirit left his body that we would be connected more than ever... it was still a lot and so so hard.

My dad was very shy and quiet, and socially awkward and he often lived in his own world, so sadly I never really knew him that well, and honestly growing up I never even really knew if he was home or not. AND even with all of that, I still received one of the most beautiful and Sacred final gifts from my dad in his leaving, that I have ever received so far. And honestly I have to say, the week before he passed, we had one of the most precious... most beautiful... most vulnerable heartfelt and real conversations I'd only had the honor to have with my mother, and a very select few clients who were either terminal themselves, or they had a loved one who was either at the end of their life or they had just recently passed, and it is always such a precious and Sacred Soul gift to me every single time.

There was so much heartbreak especially because my father's final 1.5 years of life was in total isolation due to the pandemic. I remember speaking to him on the phone right after he found out the doctors were recommending Hospice for him. I wanted to create space to honor all he was feeling about everything and hold that space for him even if he had nothing to share or to say. I went into this conversation also knowing this was my one and only final chance to connect with my father and have a real conversation with him, the way I always longed for and needed, but I needed to act fast while he was still lucid and coherent.

Even though we were never really that close, I had so many emotions running through me. There were so many things I wanted to share with him and so many things that I wanted to say. We laughed... and we cried... and we honored the fact that we were both sad that we were never very close but we loved each other very very much. My father apologized for not being the father I needed, and I apologized and told him I had always wished we were closer too, but I had done a lot of healing over the years and I had come to realize many years ago that he was doing the best he know how at the time. And I know that if he could have done better as a father he would have, and that no matter what I still loved him and always have.

My father went on to share with me for the very first time, how sad he also was that he would never get a chance to write the book he always wanted to write. I had no idea and didn't even know what he was talking about or that he was even interested in writing, or that he was even thinking about it. Because and far as I knew he never wrote anything or even shared that dream with me or anyone. And then in that moment I remember feeling a wave of grief wash over me that I did not know this sooner, and that if he had shared this earlier, and had I known how important this was for him, I would have helped get his heartfelt memories from his perspective on paper to make that dream come true for him.

After I collected myself, in my curiosity having no idea what my dad would possibly write about, I asked him what the book would be about. And much to my very humble surprise he said the book would be all about all of the happy memories as a family that we have all created together throughout the years. All of the family time… adventures... vacations before my parents got divorced. When my father shared this, it literally took my breath away... I had to stop… pause for a moment… and really breathe all of that in... and take it all in... because I had absolutely no idea he carried those times so Sacredly and so dearly in his heart. I asked him if this came to him recently and he was realizing this more lately or if he had always felt this way. I remember him feeling a little unsure and saying he always felt that way, but my sense was he just became more fully aware of it over the past several years being in a nursing home and looking back on his life and how hard it had been and how it gave him a much deeper appreciation for what he had and how grateful he was for it.

My dad went on to share that he wanted the book to be all about of the happy memories of us a family... all of the times we went camping... and the trips we took together... and all of the times we went to Florida. All of the family memories when my sister and I were littles, and again when my niece and nephew were growing up. It was so beautiful in that moment for me to realize, and really feel in my body, how all of that really did matter... and that we actually mattered. And it touched me so deeply, that it meant so much to my dad, that even though it may not have felt that way at the time, it must have been everything for him because of all of the things he could speak about on his deathbed he chose this.

I shared with my father that I had no idea he felt that way, I never knew, and I was so eternally grateful that we had an opportunity to create all of those beautiful memories together. And I was just as grateful if not more, to also now have had this deep and Sacred conversation because otherwise I would have never known this. I shared with him how much I loved him and how I wished we had had more opportunities to connect in this deeper way over the years. And how I will hold onto these memories forever too... including the gift of this conversation which meant just as much if not more to me.

Since then I have really been able to feel how deeply healing all of this was for me, which allowed me to release the past fully and hold onto this very different perspective and memory of my dad, that really has been so so beautiful. It’s been so deeply healing for me that still this this day, every single time I look at pictures of my father now, even though I couldn't feel it at the time, ALL I see... and feel... is that part of him that was connecting.... and was having fun... and I can find that in him now.... and I can feel that in him… the deeper part of him that was holding those memories so very close and very near and dear to his heart.

And now its so interesting because I also notice that every time I look at those pictures from that deep and Sacred healing space within me, I can really feel how my father was connecting the only way he could, and the only way he knew how at the time. And every time I am able to remember him more from this place, rather than the story my inner child was telling myself, I can really feel how he and I continue to be receive a really deep, beautiful and powerful healing... and I can not only feel how this healing is also rippling out through the ethers and he is feeling it every time too but I know it is rippling out through my ancestral line to past and future generations.

After we had a moment to process that beautiful share, I could feel time was of the essence because he was transitioning into Hospice the following day. And I wanted to be sure I was also able to bring closure, and speak with my father about everything, that no words were left unspoken or unshared. I had a deep innate sense within me that my father may have been afraid of death and dying, and so I gently opened up a conversation about spirituality and death, and I asked my father how he was feeling about everything. And he said he wasn't sure. And after a few moments of pause I softly asked him if he was scared? And he said yes. And took a deep breath to honor his vulnerable sharing and in a very gentle honoring tone I asked him if he knew what he was scared about? And he said he didn't know. And so after another gentle pause of honoring, and as delicately as I could, I asked him how he felt about death... and dying.. and we even talked about what he thought Heaven was like.

And much to my surprise~ even though my dad was very religious and he had gone to church regularly for years, he was an elder at the church, and he even completed a 3 year spiritual direction course with my mother when I was in my early twenties, and had a minister visit him in the nursing home regularly for communion~ in that moment my father shared with me that he didn't think Heaven was anything. I took a deep breath and I paused for a moment to take that all in... and after a moment, I gently said, what do mean you don't think Heaven is anything? He said he didn't know. Again I gave him space... and time... to ponder this to see if anything came through. And after a few moments of silence, I gently whispered to him, Dad, do you mean you think Heaven doesn't exist and theres no place we go to when we die? And he said yes. I was really trying top presence all he was sharing with me and being very sacred in honoring his words.. and after a few more moments, I remember asking him, when he thinks of Heaven, what does he see there?

And he said, he saw just nothing... just darkness.

I was speechless... and heartbroken... and all of my love from my broken heart poured out to my beloved father that at 79 years old he felt this way even on his deathbed. I have been deeply spiritual my whole entire life, it's actually been my life line, my grounding chord and my anchor… and it is what has always gotten me through the deepest darkest times in my life. So I assumed everyone in my family embraced that deep Spiritual connection too. But I also completely understood, and it made so much sense why he felt this way, because as a child he didn’t have a loving parent or adult to foster and nurture that deeper part of him.

So I gently asked my dad, how it would feel to him if Heaven could be anything he wanted it to be? And I could feel a spark of life in his voice, and he said something like, well that would be really wonderful, I would like that then. And I felt my heart expanding and pouring out to him as I asked him, what would he want Heaven to be like? Look like? Feel like? If he could create it anyway he wanted? And he said he didn't know. .. and after another pause, with silence on the other end, I asked him... what if Heaven was filled with so much beauty... and all of the things that he LOVES the most? And what if he could always be with us where ever we go, and whenever we think of him he is right there with us... and what if he could be with us, and a part of our lives again, and he could walk again and no longer in any pain because he was no longer physically limited… and what if he could be with us more than ever anytime he wanted? He really loved that idea... and I could feel all that he was carrying fall away, it all magically lifted, as it all just washed away... just like water from a waterfall... and I could feel new life~ and the joy of life~ being breathed back into him.

And after a few more moments of honoring all he shared so far with me, I asked my father, if Heaven could be anything he wanted it to be, and he got to create it himself, what would he imagine it would look like and feel like for him? He again answered with I don't know. So after a breath or two, I said, what if Heaven was overflowing with all of beautiful things he loves that can be found in nature... what if it is filled with beautiful sunrises... sunsets... endless fields of flowers… and wildlife… and what if all the things he loved were all right there… and I could tell by now he was smiling from ear to ear and he said he would really really love that and I could feel how my father could breathe a little deeper... he felt a lot calmer... and I could feel in that moment that he was going into Hospice feeling a much deeper sense of peace and inner stillness.

A week later, my father came to me as he was transitioning. I remember feeling the moment of my father's passing and in his leaving his earthly body~ even though I had not yet heard that he was gone yet~ I already knew he was at peace and his Soul was finally free. I knew this because that morning I had a gut feeling that his Soul would finally be free sometime that day... that night around 10:30pm I was laying in bed with my mom~ quietly holding Sacred space and grieving knowing my father's imminent passing was near~ and anticipating I would hear from Hospice at any moment.

Suddenly felt... and saw in my minds eye... the softest and most beautiful shimmering and radiant… white and golden hued sparkling light gently dancing... flowing... and rushing towards me... and it completely enveloped me... and poured into me... and through me... like the most beautiful ecstatic waterfall of light that continued to fill me... and flow into me and through me ... where I felt like I was just bathing in the most blissful and euphoric Infinite Divine healing... light… and love… and I felt this rapturous and shimmering energy continue to wash over me… and flow into me… and fill me.... until it was completely enveloping me and pouring out of me this went on for quite awhile... it felt like I was receiving one of the most beautiful and powerful energy healings I had ever had the honor to receive. I remember sinking deeper into the bed, just surrendering to all of this, as I bathed in the blissful energy and gift I was being given. I remember consciously taking long and slow deep breaths... because I didn't want to miss one precious moment of any of this... and I allowed myself to be fully present... to drink this all in. and fully receive this. Knowing in my heart of hearts it was my father's final gift to me, and it was his way of thanking me for all I had done for him in his final days~ for being a spiritual midwife of sorts~of gently and lovingly assisting him in setting his Soul free in his transition. I could also sense and feel this was my father's way of letting me know that he was not only ok... but that he was better ever~ and better than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed for him. And it was in that Sacred moment that I expanded beyond a knowingness that I’ve anyways had… to really feel in every cell of my being, how the love we share with our loved ones truly is eternal~ and it truly never dies~ it just changes form. And it was in that moment I could truly feel that my father is with me now… more than ever.. and to this day, I continue to feel closer to him now, than I ever did was he was in human form.

As painful and as real.... and as heart wrenching... as this time was for me, it was also one of the most beautiful and powerful gifts I have ever had the honor to receive or experience and It brought me great comfort and peace~ and to this day it continues to~ during times I need it the most. After I experienced this Sacred gift, I whispered to my mom, I keep expecting Hospice to call to let me know dad was gone. So I called to check on him and they said they were just getting ready to call me to let me know that he just passed. I broke down in tears for feeling so deeply blessed by the complete beauty…. wonder… and grace… and I was in awe at how beautiful and miraculous life, and this Universe really is, and how incredibly Sacred this whole experience was for me. and I still hold this time with my father so very near and dearly close to my heart and I will continue to carry it with me forever and beyond.

To this day it still moves me to tears, whenever I think of it. I also still hold these Sacred last few precious days with my father so very near and dearly close to my heart. And I will hold it there forever as the final gift we were able to give to each other in this lifetime, and what a deep and Sacred honor it was for me to be involved in such a deep and intimate part of his life as he began his transition into the next phase of his Soul's journey.

I love the Divine and Infinite Intelligence of the Universe because this beautiful video came to me awhile back, every time I watch it, the tears just flow down my face. Not only because of the beautiful music and lyrics, but because this is very similar to what it looked like, and felt like for me, when I realized that my father's Soul was finally flying free and he came to visit me…. and I realized in that moment this Sacred experience~ and collateral beauty~ wasn't just for me... that this is there for us all~ not just me~all we need to do is be in the present moment... and be open... and willing to receive it.

Sleeping At Last~ Saturn

You taught me the courage of stars before you left

How light carries on endlessly, even after death

With shortness of breath

You explained the infinite

And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

Wow, I can't believe the timing of your post dear Amy B Martinas my father is currently in transition. I actually thought of reaching out to you today for a heart healing, which I will do..but then there was this..no accidents ..thank you for all of this and for being you

Dearest Sweet Amy… your words were so beautiful. I am speechless. So all I will say is Thank you. Thank you from the depths of my heart. You know why. Here, loving you and your immense beautiful heart.

I’m full of appreciation for your sharing such a profound experience. I’m glad you got to feel what it’s like to receive the brilliant light of love as we do during healing sessions with you. I remember the intense pain of grief when my husband passed even though I’d done so much pre-grieving. And then you gave me your divine insight that his soul sent me the second love of my life so he knew I’d be okay. Your story is so beautiful and made me think of my dad, his silence, how, growing up I didn’t talk either … then one day in the few years before he died, I heard him say, “I love you.” I love your big heart, Amy.

I love you Amy!

You are such an amazing person. I love you

Amy B Martin now that is a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing that with us. Hugs & so much love

Amy, this is deep, intimate and wonderful expression of your connection. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

Beautiful way with words, Amy. Thank you for sharing this with us.

So beautiful, powerful, and heart-felt, Amy. Thanks for sharing, dear friend. Know that this will be healing and a blessing to many. Love you.

Amy, I am speechless…I love you

Amy this is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing